My thoughts (What I struggle to share)

I pen down my thought.

Who am I?

For a while, I think I am lost

I know I have guts

But they are caged

Destiny? Will of God?

I don't even know which I am living

I forget what I look like a lot of times

Even after checking the mirror a million times

I have a picture of who I wish I look like in my heart

Deep down I am don't even know who I am

I know I have abilities, If I learn I do well

What is passion?

What is talent?

Depends on what you like doing

It is what you do best

It is what makes you happy

I don't even know nor recognize all these

Do I wait for someone to bring me out and discover it for me ?

I know time is going 

Yet I still don't know what I am best at

I love God but I can't even preach

I sew but I can't sew well

I like to dance but I can't dance well

I like to read but I don't always grasp it well

I like computer website but I can't even thrive in it

I can teach language but I suck sometimes

I know practically half of everything,

I wish I am in a different body

A perfect body

With no veins pupping out

With a bigger head

Just that!

I wish I were more fair sha but it doesn't matter

Who would listen, who cares ?


Wandering and my wonder

Wandering on the street of this world

I wonder if I am ever going to make a name for myself

I am ever going to build the mansion in my heart

If I am ever goin to break the record

I am a superstar

But I am only popular in the world I create for myself

Not even the person next to me could see it

Even though it's right before them

It is talking to them

And living with them.

My wander makes me wonder

If I am ever going to win

If I an never going to suffer

If I am ever going to be the healer I desire to be 

If I am going to really experience the life of the spirit

My wander and my wonder

SO FAR

It's been a rough year

Didn't know it's going to be like this

I should have prayed harder

I expected so much 

But I have seen worse

What did I do to deserve this?

I have taken wrong decisions

Said wrong words

Just this year.

I have been crushed

I am scared of rising again.

For the fear of being crushed again.

How do I best start?



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